The Three Smurfs: Wine and Complain
by Nigel Yearning
Summary: Three human siblings ends up turning into smurfs and decided to give the Smurf Village "smurfberry juice" to provide their support to the community. Hilarious stuff. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own any characters**

**Claimer: I only own characters that are "NOT" in the Smurfs comic, tv series, and movie.**

Deep within the heart of le Pays maudit, three bright blue balls of smurfs fell from the sky screaming. They land on top of each other one by one before they scramble up to their feet. Two Smurfs and One Smurfette named Jack, Don, and Sarah.

Jack was wearing a white t-shirt, blue pants, and white shoes as Don was wearing a yellow T-shirt and white pants, and Sarah simply wore white overalls and is barefoot. Jack and Don had brown hair as Sarah had a Shag haircut and is blonde, they all had bright blue skins just as an ordinary smurf would but they weren't ordinary.

"I told you not to touch that trap Sarah," yelled Jack as he pound her on the head.

"It wasn't my fault, I thought that we made that trap." insisted Sarah.

"You didn't tell her Jack," said Don.

Jack slapped Don's face, "Quiet," he says, "We need to find our way out of here, why does everything suddenly look bigger?"

"Guy's look at your hands," said Sarah, "My god, we're blue."

They were human, well once until they gone up in a puff of smoke and launched across the region to the heart of the forest awhile being turned into smurfs. Jack suddenly felt something tug on the back of his pants, he reached over and discovered a short tail and they were wearing white smurf hats. "Oh crap, we're blue and we have tails," said Jack. "I think we've turned into Smurfs."

"Smurfs?" asked Don and Sarah in unison.

"Yes, Smurfs," repeated Jack, "And if we're smurfs, then lets find that Smurf village we heard when we were children."

"Well now we know they exist because we are now smurfs," reminded Sarah.

As they walk across the forest floor, they cautiously looked around to find that they're completely lost. Then they stumble upon what appears to be the Smurf Village, if the Mushroom Houses says it all then here they are. "Well I think this is it guys," said Jack, "What do you think?"

"Looks like fungus," commented Don, "Sort of reminds me of Super Mario for some reason."

"Or Athlete's Foot," said Sarah.

Smurfs began to look out their windows and see the three coming out of the woods, Papa Smurf was called upon and he came walking up to them very cautiously. "How are you?" he asked.

"I'm Jack," said Jack, "And these are my siblings Don and Sarah, it's a long story but to make it short – we were once human then turned into smurfs before getting launched through the air and into that forest and here we are."

"We have some humans that turned into smurfs before," said Papa Smurf, "Most famously Gargamel, more on him later."

"You got a place to stay?" asked Jack, "If I did my research right, you smurfs have a society where everyone must provide for the community by the jobs they do in order to get the necessities of life. Correct?"

"Yup," said Papa Smurf, "What are you good at?"

"Farming, but most famously our behavior that is," said Jack.

"Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk," laughed Sarah as she explains, "Usually, he's the leader and everytime one of us screws up or we did something bad to him he usually..."

"Do this," interrupted Jack as he slapped Sarah.

"And this." he says as he punches Sarah in the stomach.

"And this." his said again as he smashes Don and Sarah's heads together.

"And most famously this," he pulls out a saw to show the smurfs and grinds it hard against Sarah's head and shows it to the smurfs that her skull had destroyed the teeth, "Her skull is tougher than anything that is strong, so are we good?"

Papa Smurf was speechless but he then finally says, "Your good enough, where do you wanna stay?"

"With the most annoying smurf in your village," said Jack, "Or else no one goes home happy."

"At that house right there," said Papa Smurf, "That's Brainy Smurf's house, my so-called successor and the know it all in the village. Don't tell him I said that."

"Okay, thanks." joke Jack, "We'll see Brainy soon, the irony is that we don't have much brains anyway."

Everyone laughed as they head back home and the three smurfs walked to Brainy's house, they knocked on the door and Brainy opened it. "Hello, Hello, Hello." said Jack, Don, and Sarah one by one in unison.

"Papa Smurf says we have to stay at your place tonight," said Jack, "May we come in?"

"Sure, I never had very much visitors lately." he says as the three stepped through. "My smurf, there's so many things I've gotta tell you about this village."

They all sat down in the living room as Brainy blabbers away on facts about the town and brags on how he's the smartest smurf in the village then brags about being Papa Smurf's successor, stunningly the smurfs listen to him blabber throughout half the night until it wasn't long before Brainy tires himself out and fell asleep. Almost at the same time that the the smurfs did, everything was quiet for the rest of the night.

The next morning, the smurfs woke up off the couch and saw Brainy still sleeping on the chair. They tried their best not to make him as they walked outside with the sun shining on them, time to begin the day. "What should we do to provide for the community?" asked Jack.

"We'll brew beer," said Sarah.

"Beer, like the stuff in the farm?" asked Don.

"Hrm, swell idea Sarah," approved Jack, "But how are we going to brew beer in a smurf village, where are we going to get the sugar and yeast? What about storing it all?"

"Simple, the fellow smurfs would help." said Sarah, "This is a community after all."

"We've thought you'd never come up with the best ideas, let's get to work building a still." ordered Jack.

Papa Smurf managed to get the smurfs a Mushroom House of their own, after a day or two the three smurfs prepared a large garden next to the home. They realized that wheat isn't available to them and they knew alcohol might taste nasty, so what did they do? As the smurfs stare at the recently large lot of plowed dirt, a small bush full of berries caught their eye.

"Those berries have the same color as the smurfs," said Jack as the three approached it, Jack tried one and it tasted sweet, "How about we make wine, it's still alcohol and I've seen several smurfs eat these berries."

"Okay, so much for the beer idea." said Don.

"It's just change Don, it's still alcohol." said Sarah.

The three picked the bush clean and planted the berries in their nutrient rich garden, as they grow into smurfberry bushes they began to build a still outside the mushroom house. It was half as big as the house but all of it's contents is drained into the house into buckets with a turn of a valve, the other smurfs see their engineering feet as a marvel but they still had no idea what the still and smurfberry garden is for.

After two weeks on building the still out of scavenged metal and wood, they've finished and the smurfberries are mature and ready to produce fruit. As they wait for the bushes to produce fruit, they entertain the community with their jokes and what not. Some smurfs hope they screw up on something because that's where the real humor lies. Jokey decided to turn on the heat as he placed his "Surprise" present on the front door of their house and knocked on the door, Sarah came out to answer it and saw the present sitting on the doorstep. Jack and Don came outside and saw the present for themselves.

"Where did you get that?" asked Jack.

"I don't know, it was here when I found it." said Sarah as she handed it to Jack.

Jack opened the present and it explodes in his face, when the dust cleared Jack was covered in soot above the waste. The present is now just scraps of charred yellow paper, Sarah just burst out laughing as Don stepped inside not wanting to be involved. "Oh funny eh?" asked Jack as he pulls out a wooden stick, "I'll show you what's funny."

"Uh oh," muttered Sarah as she took off running, "Woo, woo, woo, woo!"

Jack chases Sarah with the stick all over the smurf village as she does her wooing, Don sits next to Jokey as they watch the show awhile eating smurfberries. "So are you going to tell them that you smurfed them?" asked Don.

"No," said Jokey.

The two smurf wound up back where they started and Sarah tripped on the ground and Jack was about to club her when she pointed at the smurfberry bushes, "Look!" The smurfberry bushes were full of berries, it seemed to be a miracle as Jack and Sarah got up off the ground as Don simply strolls in. "Well why are you staring at them," said Jack as he slaps their butts, "Go pick them for crying out loud."

The smurfs began to pick the berries and then crushed them and dumped them into the still and filled it with water, after they finished picking berries they fired up the still and boiled the mixture for a few days. In the meanwhile, they've built their own kegs. Once the brewing is finished, they have Sarah took a sample because she drinks the most alcohol.

"Well how is it?" asked Jack.

Sarah's hat shot up into the air and landed back onto her head, "It tasted great," she rsponds, "Lets get all of this poured into the barrels." It took them all day but once they're finished filtering and pouring the wine into the kegs the informed Papa Smurf that they've finished, smurfs gathered around as they grabbed a sample. The sight of Smurf hats shooting up into the air indicated that they loved the wine and they begged for more, it wasn't long until the entire town is drunk.

The smurflings managed to get some wine as well, there is no drinking age in the Smurf Village since alcohol is unknown here and some smurflings were aged reversed. The sound of laughing, hiccuping, drunk smurfs fill the air, along with the smell of alcohol. Suddenly, Hefty started a fight with Grouchy and one by one smurfs began fighting each other. When morning comes, smurfs lie all over the village floor with hangovers.

"That was awesome," said Papa Smurf as he wakes up from his alcohol coma, "Smurftacular!"

After passing out, Jack, Don, and Sarah looked at each other and grabbed each others arms and skipped out of town singing Three Blind Mice, once they're gone the magical dog "Puppy" came by and saw the drunk smurfs laying all over the place. He saw a pool of wine on the ground and he licked it off the ground, Puppy fell onto his side and was knocked out cold from the wine.

"Lesson learned," said Brainy who happens to be sober as he rights on a notepad, "Never drink The Three Smurfs' smurfberry juice ever again, except on parties."


End file.
